Lesson Thirteen: Extended Family Relationships

One of the great blessings I received from marrying my husband was the gift of another family to love and be loved and learn from. My in-laws (mother, father, and brother and sisters in laws) are some of the easiest people to like so I realize that makes my situation and ability to love a lot easier than others but I believe if we will strengthen our testimonies of the importance of families (including our extended families), we will each try a little harder to establish healthy family relationships, and each person will be blessed as a result. In the article, Creating Healthy Ties with In-laws and Extended Family by J.M. Harper and S.F. Olsen, we learn that, “Parents-in-law will do well to accept differences; encourage marital identity by helping develop and maintain the marital boundary of the children; avoid intrusion; offer advice only when it is sought; be accepting rather than critical; and work toward developing a personal, positive relationship with a son- or daughter-in-law by creating opportunities to spend time one-on-one.”

As I’ve talked with others about the problems or conflicts that make their relationships strained with their in-laws, I've reflected with so much gratitude for the many things both my parents and in-laws have done that have encouraged my husband and I to cleave unto each other and create a solid partnership. A few example of this are that there wasn’t pressure from either side of the family to attend the family functions. Of course, we knew that both sides of the family would love if we were to join them but understood and supported us in the decisions we made. Another example is the advice given from my mom that she didn’t want us to bring our marital problems back home. We could talk about frustrations but she understood the importance of working out problems with our spouses. And last, my mother-in law is always interested in and shows concern for our family but never tries to tell us what to do and how things should be done. This has helped me to feel the trust she has in both Jeff and me, and I have always felt love and support from her.

Our oldest child is thirteen years old, which seems like years before my husband and I need to be concerned about any of our children marrying and having in-laws in our family. But as I’ve read and studied the importance of establishing healthy relationships with extended family, I’ve been inspired to use what I’ve learned as well as the examples I’ve been given from my parents and in-laws to prepare. I recognize the importance and blessing extending families can be, and desire to love and be an example to my future in-laws as mine have been to me.