President Benson
in his talk, Beware of Pride said this, “Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and
many are sinning in ignorance.” In reading this week from Gottman’s book, The
Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work, I’ve recognized several ways we are
prideful and most times not even realizing it, especially within our marriages.
One way we may sin ignorantly is what Dr. Gottman comments when spouses do not let
their partners influence their decision making by taking their opinions and
feelings into account. Another way is by not forgiving our spouses when they
have wronged us, or by being easily offended.
My
husband’s birthday was this week and I was trying to plan a delicious dinner to
make him. I asked him if he was good with enchiladas because I had all the
ingredients on hand. The next morning I was feeling a little guilty that this
probably wasn’t the meal he’d choose but something that would be easy for me to
make, so I asked him again (as he was trying to get ready for work) if he was
still good with enchiladas and he responded short with me, and seemed annoyed
that I kept asking him. I instantly felt sad and then mad that he was
frustrated with me when I was the one trying to do something nice for him
(which I realize now the feelings I was having all stemmed from pride). I felt
like he owed me an apology for the way he treated me. He left for work and as I
sat around bummed out I recognized that it was me who needed to apologize and
not the other way around. I sent a text saying sorry for over-reacting, and he immediately
sent one back saying sorry that he responded how he did. I am not usually the
one to say sorry first, especially when I feel justified in my feelings but if
we allow pride into our marriages, these very small grievances will fester
until it turns into something that will certainly disrupt marriages. This was a
pretty small but very beneficial opportunity for me to cultivate more humility
and love in our marriage.
I have been
reading in Alma from the Book of Mormon, and specifically in Alma about Pahoran
and Moroni. These have been some of my favorite scriptures but they were even
more powerful than before because of reading and studying pride this week. As I was reading again the interchange between
the two men, I sympathized with Moroni’s anger and frustration, even if it was
unjustified towards Pahoran. But what I really love and feel so inspired by is
reading Pahoran’s humble and loving response. He is an exemplary person, and shows
us a perfect example of humility. In
Alma 61:9 we read Pahoran’s response to Moroni’s scathing letters, “And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it
mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart.
I, Pahoran, do not seek for power, save only to retain my
judgment-seat that I may preserve the rights and the liberty of my people. My
soul standeth fast in that liberty in the which God hath made us free.”
I am inspired to follow Pahoran’s example of humility and also
to work on those things that President Benson suggests to become a more humble
person. These include “conquering
enmity towards our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and
lifting them as high or higher than we are, receiving counsel and chastisement,
by forgiving those who have offended us, rendering selfless service, going on
missions, getting to the temple more frequently, confessing and forsaking sins,
and by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our
lives.” I have a testimony that as we do these things we will be happier and
our marriages will be strengthened.
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