Lesson Four: Excessive Individualism

Bruce C Hafen in his talk titled, “Covenant Marriage”, states three wolves that are attacking marriages today. The first wolves he addresses are that of natural adversity, such as a death of a child, infertility, health issues, etc. and that of criticizing the imperfections of your spouse.  Both of these “wolves” can contribute to serious challenges in marriage and certainly in the case of belittling spouse can quickly destroy a marriage, but the last wolf that Brother Hafen suggested, the wolf of excessive individualism is the one that I think is the most detrimental to our society today.

I think it’s important to recognize the added word “excessive” and that it’s not just a warning about individualism in itself.

The definition of individualism is

1.      The habit or principle of being independent and self-reliant

2.      A social theory favoring freedom of action for individuals over collective or state control.

            I believe individualism or being an independent person/thinker is an important element to help us become more confidant and self-sufficient human beings, which are character traits that Heavenly Father wants for each us as well. These traits can help create stronger marriages. I am the first to admit that it is very important to me to have some time to myself each week, such as exercising, reading, and/or playing soccer with friends. This gives me time to think, recharge and develop hobbies, and helps me to be a better wife and mother. I try to give my husband the same respect and help him find time for himself and his hobbies. 

            I believe what Brother Hafen is warning about is when we abuse that right, and our spouses and families become second to our needs and wants. Satan tries to turn good into evil and if we are not vigilant and practice self-control in our personal desires, he will find a way to accomplish that. Excessive individualism creates serious problems which lead to a “me” centered society. This goes against our belief in the plan of salvation, the sacredness of marriage and that the family is central to our Heavenly Father’s plan for each of His children.  

Elder D. Todd Christofferson in his talk titled, Why Marriage, Why family, states, “Satan seeks to convince men and women that marriage and family priorities can be ignored or abandoned, or at least made subservient to careers, other achievements, and the quest for self-fulfillment and individual autonomy.” It is so important that we are aware of Satan’s intent in regards to personal autonomy, and essential to practice moderation in all things.