Lesson Six: Love Maps

In reading The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work book written by John M. Gottman, he discusses the importance of maintaining love maps in marriage. He explains love maps as being “intimately familiar with each other’s world”.  This is very important to establish in a marriage. When someone asks about you and remembers information they’ve learned, it shows that person cares about and loves you. I always feel really grateful and loved when my husband will ask me later how something went from what I’ve told him about earlier.

Building and maintaining a love map takes work and sacrifice. In the book, “Drawing Marriage into Your Family”, Goddard says this, “Sacrifice is generally devalued and misunderstood in our society… It takes godly goodness to see weakness and mistakes in our partners and yet resist the temptation to smirk. It takes heavenly humility to be proven right and yet to meekly acknowledge that we all make mistakes”. I did not recognize that as being a sacrifice before reading that quote, and understand now that overlooking your partners weaknesses and mistakes is not only a way to show love and compassion to our partner but also an opportunity to sacrifice for each other in our marriage.

            Sacrifice definitely strengthens marriages and relationships. Goddard also suggests that true joys come from unselfishness which equals love. There are many ways that we can sacrifice in our marriages to show our love to our partner. For example, I really like to be with my husband, and I also am very grateful for his help he gives with our kids, so it’s hard for me when he’s gone from home. I realize that I, especially now that my kids are all in school full-time, get to exercise, read, and enjoy time to myself much more often that my husband does because he of his work schedule. One thing I try to do is to encourage my husband to take time to re-charge and to have fun! Whether it’s going to the gym, riding his mountain bike or motor cycle, I know it benefits him greatly, and he comes home happier and ready for family time. So although it feels like a sacrifice for me, I try to not only to be okay with him being gone but encourage it as well.